"I Serve Before I Feast"
Life’s dark alleys bring nothing but unexpected happenings and questions. You get an answer for everything encountered in life, it’s whether or not you accept the words spoken to you. Trying to get by in life without harming the closest ones to you is always the motive.
Goals, love, agony, defeat, destroying, rebuilding. These things exist in every aspect of your life. I didn’t need to almost die 3 different times to understand this. But maybe those 3 brushes with death made me respect it all more. Each day is one day closer to your demise. Comes off morbid if you’re not pushing to achieve more. Full lives don’t have an age. Whether you clock out at 95, 55, or 25 the completeness of your dreams and admirations are in your control.
Found myself strolling aimlessly taking deep breaths of chilled air, shuffling my feet trying to piece ideas together for myself and loved ones. I passed the alley you see above and it was a moment of life foreshadowing the events to follow shortly. I kept pressing towards the well lit streets and judged myself in that very moment. What you can’t see shouldn’t dictate fear… Familiarity and comfort lies in the routine and what makes sense to the naked eye. But that doesn’t mean it’s food for the soul.
I kept walking and gazed directly up into the bleak lifeless sky, just asking the most high my darkest questions. I happened to be standing in front of a church. If god speaks do I listen and if I don’t like what’s told do I follow or just pray that the evils don’t drown me before I can reach these goals.
In that very moment the stillness of life surrounding me felt like it couldn’t be any louder. I’m here solely to provide happiness and comfort. My freedom exist in loved ones happiness. The peace of mind I chase, lays in the underbelly of all the frustrations I see the closest ones to me go through.
My uncle asked me what I thought real love and sacrifice was on Thanksgiving. I just sat back and said "When the smiles give you life and the tears of the people you care about activate the motivation to make sure they never feel that same hurt."
He poker stared at me for a few seconds and said "Stay ambitious about your happiness and the ones around you." I can’t front for the masses. I’m clueless everyday I wake up and I damn near know it all by time it’s time for bed that same night. Restless nights with thoughts like this. Insomniac type nights just to make sure it all breaks even by sunrise.
If I fall behind trying to get everyone else ahead it’s a success. The height of selflessness, like when your fate is to die for everyone else to survive. The apex of my life is right now. The climax is laced with nostalgic moments and conversations. It’s a thrill that rushes through my body like ice cold decisions.
To become a martyr for this belief would be a storybook ending. This is real life when the word “fear” becomes a myth.